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Geboortedatum:  09-12-1989
MSN:  eternalmirror@hotmail.com
Woonplaats: lochem

hi my name is clarissa...
i'm 18 years old...

my start wasn't easy...
my mother was pregnant
when my parents already were separaded
they were staying together for me...
i was one and a half,
when they went officially from eachother...
after a number of lawsuits I was assigned to my father and my mother was removed from the parental authority...

my mother was teenage mother and couldn't take care of me...
so i lived at my father...
perhaps it was more judicious to make me a child of the state...
later appeared that my father couldn,t take care of me very well too...
for eight years my life seems to be good...

already must I honestly confess that I have been also very spoiled...

once in the two weeks I could go a weekend to my mother...
who had a new boyfriend...

i lived 8 tears alone at my father...

when i was 8,
my stepmother came on the screen...
everything seemed well...
but not much later appeared that she had everything concerning for a place in the heart of my father...
already she had break me for that...
and my father and i went into her house to live together...
she had three kids from a previous marriage...

a while seemed to go well, but that was just fake...

but watch some time later, everything came out...
she let me do things i never though it was possible to do...
i was 8...

i had to put a doll with a scissor, untill my father came home from work, and then i had to say, this is my little brother...

as a lightning it returns regularly in my head...
also I have had stand with a knife for my stepmother...

I have had cold showers, icecold showers...
and must eat dogs shit...
and each time shutted she afterwards to my father to comfort him...

he started to take more and more distance of me...
I started missing him very, very much...
and then it became more terrible with my stepmother, i started walk away from home...
I hoped that he would realise what she put on me...
but he carried a pink optical device...
and was not able turn off it...

i started walk away from home...
I have skated on the motorway...
jumped out of the window...
and then I was voluntarily placed out of home... what ended up as a present from the sky... i started cutting myself...
and after that, the suicide actions comes into my horrible life...
i lot of times i've tried... but it didn't work... it wasn't my time yet...

i lives in psychiatric hospitals for a very long time... "wasting" my time with writing poetry...

the only thing i lived for at the moment...

now i'm living at my mother... and i have no help... i have to do it all alone... and that's difficult...
i can't do it alone, and need a lot of help... they've locked me up very long... and now i have to be normal... but i'm not normal, i'm different then other people my age...
smarter, more life experiences... and more uncertain then other people...
i'm still harm myself... i'm couloring my drawings with real blood...
i'm crazy...
and nobody is helping me to be normal...
i never will be normal...